I returned to work today to the same old crap. There’s a lot of restructuring going on at the minute and lots of redundancies. Thankfully I’m not one of them, but our new site manager wants to give me an opportunity (and hopeful payrise!) but he’s asked me what I want to do? Sadly I don’t think being a lady of leisure is what he means, but really, how do you answer that? Seriously?
I went for a new lead position a few months back and got turned down due to “lack of experience” and I know he wants me to naturally slip into that role, but I’m not sure that role is what I want anymore. I don’t really know what I want. It’s not like I’ve been given a load of Job Specs and been told to pick the one I like the sound of, I’ve literally been given free reign within my capability…. But what is that exactly?
Anyway, the drive home from the office with C wasn’t pleasant. As much as I love him dearly he just doesn’t get my workplace or environment and instead of giving advice, he tells me what I should do, like he could do it better? I shouted that at him as I marched out of the kitchen and disappeared up to the bathroom for a cry.
Didn’t have dinner. Felt like I had a migraine coming on, so took two ibuprofen and have been in bed since 8pm.
Tuesday tomorrow. Oh joy.
I’ve been off work for the past two days with a migraine, I’m feeling absolutely wiped out by it so I will probably hold off from returning tomorrow and just take the long weekend to fully recover.
C got home about 7pm, which is late for him. We’re still not talking, or should I say I’m not going out of my way to start a conversation so we just sit in silence.
I just don’t have the energy right now. I’m heading back to bed with my Audiobook.
Turn off the light, she said
I’m going to bed
I don’t wanna talk right now
I’m turning my head
If we could go back to where we first started
I would go right now
Remember the days before this all started
It’s got me thinking how
This was the weekend of romance, of making plans, of being together. This was the weekend our daughter went away with school and we got some quality time as a couple.
Oh how wrong was I.
We’ve not left the house since Thursday night. We’ve watched TV and hardly spoken.
Why is it that if I don’t make arrangements to do something or book to go away somewhere we don’t do anything? Is it wrong of me to expect him to organise something every once in a while?
It’s his birthday next month and I’m seriously considering selling the Bears Den tickets I’ve bought him as a surprise.
You could cut the atmosphere with a knife. We’re not talking, just passing each other like ships on water. I think I’ve had enough. I think it’s easier to just be alone.
I’ve passed two hours just sitting in the tub.
So in reality I’m a crap blogger. I promise and never deliver. I might change this whole setup.
Today we are fighting yet again.
When there’s that one meme that you can relate to more than any others….
I’m scared right now to step on our Fitbit Aria scales, the dimpled legs and bottom I see when I look in the mirror make me almost sick to my stomach. It’s not cool. I honestly can’t remember the last time I looked in the mirror and felt happy with myself. My mental headspace is not a good place right now and I need to be proactive and do something about it.
I’ve been awake about 45mins and I’ve done the usual, make a brew and watch Sunday Brunch. I’m toying with the idea of either heading to the gym to walk on the treadmill, or head to the beach for a power walk. My relationship with C at the moment is a little strained and I know he’ll be disappointed that I’m choosing to go without him, but I think I need the time to myself. To powerwalk and think about the changes I need to make for myself and in turn our relationship.
… be asleep.
Why is it your brain starts going 1000mph when you really just wanted to get an early night?
We are back from what should have been a magical weekend celebrating our first anniversary back where we stayed for our first night away in North Yorkshire.
The best bits were Fountains Abbey, Studley Royal Water Park in Ripon and a trip to York en route to real life.
Shame the best bits had to end.