I’ve attempted to write this post three times, got so far and then deleted it. I’m in one of those moods.
Another weekend of doing nothing and going nowhere has been and almost gone.
Wish I could wake up tomorrow morning, jump in the car, skip work and take myself away.
This was the weekend of romance, of making plans, of being together. This was the weekend our daughter went away with school and we got some quality time as a couple.
Oh how wrong was I.
We’ve not left the house since Thursday night. We’ve watched TV and hardly spoken.
Why is it that if I don’t make arrangements to do something or book to go away somewhere we don’t do anything? Is it wrong of me to expect him to organise something every once in a while?
It’s his birthday next month and I’m seriously considering selling the Bears Den tickets I’ve bought him as a surprise.
C decided he would join me on my walk. Let’s just say I didn’t get everything out of the walk that I was hoping to get.
Still, I guess it’s a step in the right direction.
I’m scared right now to step on our Fitbit Aria scales, the dimpled legs and bottom I see when I look in the mirror make me almost sick to my stomach. It’s not cool. I honestly can’t remember the last time I looked in the mirror and felt happy with myself. My mental headspace is not a good place right now and I need to be proactive and do something about it.
I’ve been awake about 45mins and I’ve done the usual, make a brew and watch Sunday Brunch. I’m toying with the idea of either heading to the gym to walk on the treadmill, or head to the beach for a power walk. My relationship with C at the moment is a little strained and I know he’ll be disappointed that I’m choosing to go without him, but I think I need the time to myself. To powerwalk and think about the changes I need to make for myself and in turn our relationship.
We are fighting. The weather is grey, wet and miserable.
Days like today make me just want to curl up in front of the fire and read a book. Or jump in the car, bang on my favourite tunes, have no end destination and wail like no one’s listening.